Claim your bliss!

Part 3 0f 3

So what did I learn from that funhouse ride into the darkest part of my psyche? Well, it illustrated what I already knew, but often forget to remember. In fact – enlightenment – or I should say ‘practical enlightenment’ (the enlightenment that is lived where we are now and not in a monastery) is a ‘one step at a time’ personal journey.

Most of us start out living unconsciously. As babes and young children we get our take on the world starting with the family dynamic. No news there. But what we maybe don’t fully realize in this age of visualization and law of attraction is that we can read all the spiritual, self help, and psychology books we want. We can go to sleep listening to chants or meditations; we can pray ’till our knees hurt, but until we actually integrate the wisdom and live it from the inside out, we will continue to be on the single rail track of our inner script.

Enlightenment – practical enlightenment – is the process from complexity to simplicity. It is the conscious dismantling of the single rail cart that speeds us into all kinds of situations whether we desire them or not. First we clear the debris that obscures the track and then we take it apart – one piece at a time. If we have spent decades layering one belief on top of another – beliefs and behaviors that began in our limited consciousness as babies, is it any wonder that the process of sorting and tossing becomes so onerous?

When I began my Reiki Mastery, I signed a contract agreeing to do the work and complete the process to attain the final attunement. Well, one week in I was tipped into the depths of doubt. My emotions spilled out and I was a walking bucket of uncertainty, anger, fear and unworthiness. I called Rebecca, my Reiki Master, Dean’s wife and told her that I could not continue with the program. I had made a mistake. I was not worthy to become a master of anything. I can still hear the smile in Rebecca’s voice over the phone when she said, “Well, you signed a contract and it was a contract for mastery – over yourself.” Always, always, always – read the fine print!

And so began a three year journey of witnessing the rising up and clearing out of a whole lifetime of incorrect information about myself, my divinity, my purpose, and about the workings of spirit in this world in general. It was a period which intensified my understanding of our holistic nature and really was the unfolding of the LightBeam vision. As we process from our deepest recesses energies rise up and need to be cleared from our physical bodies. Emotional, spiritual, or psychological ‘work’ needs to be partnered with body work. We need to physically clear the detritus as it rises up. It’s like skimming the gunk off the top of a boiling pot of soup.

Negativity is insidious and like a parasite, can lie dormant gaining strength for decades only to make its appearance at unexpected times – often with cataclysmic intensity. These nasties express themselves in at least one of our bodies – physical, emotional, spiritual. They are ultimately expressed in our worldview through health, wealth, or relationship. They are not ‘bad’ in and of themselves, they are incorrect information bytes that run the program of our beliefs and life experience. Deep beneath that morass is our true nature – the flame of our spirit – the hologram of all that we might be if we expressed our most bountiful and beautiful nature without impediment.

So we can trowel over a patina of optimism and positive thinking and smooth it out with visualization but unless the bedrock is firm, the cracks will return. You can be ‘happy’ and override your default line of inner dialogue only as long as you keep talking. Eventually life will trip you up and you will be face to face with the small frightened child of your distorted self. Either that, or like a low grade infection, the simple pleasures of life – love and success will be tainted with dread or doubt.

The lesson I learned over the past few days and the reason I have shared the bald truth of my own experience is a stark realization: If, in my life devoted to spiritual enlightenment and understanding, I can be walloped with the intensity that I was then others without the benefit of perspective or practical strategies must be living lives of quiet misery. One thing has to be perfectly clear for us to proceed toward happiness. And that is like attracts like. You cannot, I repeat cannot live with doubt, fear, stress, or uncertainty and create anything other than that. And if you ‘think’ you are living with a positive outlook and visualizing like crazy you will soon experience in your life what your underlying truths really are.

So yesterday the underlying truths revealed to me were all about loss, fear, unworthiness, and helplessness. Are they true reflections of my life? Absolutely not. What are my truths? Over these past three years I have resurrected my life from the ashes of who I used to be. I am finally witnessing the first independent steps of LightBeam as it begins to fulfill its potential to increase understanding of our holistic nature; I am professionally in the business of my dreams which combines all my sensibilities, desires, and expertise in a world devoted to creativity and beauty – art. I have gained understanding and competency in the internet and website function gives me full freedom from dependancy. I have an unusually creative and harmonious relationship with my two sons who I both respect and admire. And I have a love in my life the magnitude of which is only possible because of the awareness in suffering my beloved husband’s death.

So why then did the panic come up? Because there is still a script running of loss and grief that I didn’t realize. Of course it found the chink in my foundation and that was my home. Like the rest of the world the fallout of the unexpected is affecting my freedom of action. The gathering tension of accumulated circumstances – the car, the credit, the this, the that conspired to bring to the fore all that I need to look at closely and release. I’m in a tough spot financially. I do not know one person who is not.

The world sucked in its breath with the collective gasp in shock at the financial cataclysm nearly two years ago and it hasn’t let it out yet. Them’s the facts. Those who weren’t direct victims of the greed and mismanagement of other people’s money – a travesty that unbelievably continues – are in due course feeling the effects. Right now, wanting to sell my house, I have to endure a period of discomfort while the world finds a firmer footing. A friend asked a few months ago, “What are you going to do if your house doesn’t sell?” “What do you mean ‘what am I going to do?’.” Short of taking my two sons by the hand and gently closing the door behind us to walk into the sunset – what choice do I have but to do everything in my power to bring this to a equitable and beneficial conclusion?

I have lots of options – options that divide themselves clearly into those fuelled by fear and those fuelled by courage. The analogy that comes to mind is that I have been handed the controls of a 747 in mid Atlantic flight. I can either bail, ditch it or gather all my strengths and bring it in for a landing without crashing.

The path of enlightenment is often called the path of the spiritual warrior. Practical enlightenment is the call to face your fears, find your strengths, dump the rest and claim your bliss in the simple pleasures of love, peace, and happiness – in a mansion or in a cottage. Happiness does not know money or status but only thrives in the richness of self awareness.

So what was all the drama about these past few days. It was my opportunity to look very closely at who I actually was. Would I bail – into despondency and depression – psychological suicide? Would I ditch? Call my real estate agent or some hotshot and beg him to find a buyer – stat! The ones that are lurking in the shadows waiting for desperate moves? Or do I grasp responsibility? Know that I cannot function in fear – ditch that crap – and choose to focus very intently on one day at a time. My wonderful and exciting new business representing four amazing artists. Focus on my many opportunities. Focus on my loves, focus on my strengths. My 747 has precious cargo – my sons who are learning life skills from my every example, my dreams in all their potential, and a lifetime of memories. It’s no time to panic.

Life and the path of enlightenment has inspired my desire for a very simple life. One of beauty, creativity, vitality, serenity, love, peace, and happiness. I am going there. But first I have to land this bird!

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