How do you measure success?

Yesterday I had tea with a friend who had recently had the occasion to chat with Kevin O’Leary of Dragon’s Den and Shark Tank. These are the advice bits he offered her: if you can’t articulate what your business is about in 90 seconds no one will invest in you; successful people have to be prepared to spend 18 hour days for some duration; spend your time not your money, and finally, know when to get out.

T queried me on the last point. How do you know when it’s time to call it a day; when you’ve spent enough money – when do you decide your great idea just isn’t going to fly? Of course, I had to confess that I was probably the wrong person to ask about that.  I still believe in my business vision that I first diagrammed on a flip chart in my (then) web designers boardroom. That was five years ago. It showed overlapping circles (vesicas) depicting autonomous businesses collaborating to the greater good of all. The foundation of that business exists. It is the LightBeam wheel of websites. It echos a little – okay it echos a lot – because it’s waiting for the people to populate it. It’s innovative and a slightly different way to use the internet – and the internet itself is an ever changing mystery to many. More on this later.

After my afternoon meeting with T, I was off to meet my longtime friend J for dinner. As we walked around the block arm in arm over icy patches she asked about my sons – were they off on their European tour with the band this summer? Hmmm she was a little out of date. I had to explain that those plans had taken a side rail because the savvy and beautiful ‘Ms A’ promoter and manager par excellence just took a powder in the middle of the afternoon one day on the way to a meeting to discuss the imminent recording date. “Oh.” J said, “ Do you think they should do something else?” My immediate response was no! These young men are good musicians and they have a unique sound. When I envision them – I see them pressing against the membrane just about to break through.

Now – before you conclude that an innovator mother with unrealistic goals has spawned sons with unrealistic rock star aspirations, let me rush in and say this: I’m not stupid – and just like everyone else I get dragged down by ‘reality’. So on the way home – I was blue. Doubt was hanging about me like a pall. Fear comes rushing in because I am the sole supporter of my family and that scares me at times. And then – can self recrimination be far behind when I think that most parents would have ‘made’ their sons be realistic and get jobs – or go back to school?

So I stopped on my way out of town as I passed my Sweetheart’s door for a quick pick-me-up hug. “Everything is going to be okay – isn’t it?” I muffled into his shoulder. S held me at arm’s length, looked into my eyes and said, “Of course! And even if it isn’t okay – it will be okay.” Now it might seem that he was patronizing me and sending me off with a “Now. Now. There. There”, but the effect of his words ripped away the mask of ‘reality’ and I was once again looking at the meaning of life.

These reality shows are a true barometer of our times. They are a reflection of the distortion that we call life. In a way I wonder if they are the backlash of the times – most recent – when schools, parents, and sports leagues all decided that competition was somehow unfair. That failure discriminated unfairly, that success must be equilateral or shared. These shows are based on humiliation of the many and the aggrandizing of the one. The ‘one’ has to fit a very specific criteria and the ‘win’ is not based on excellence but in compliance.

It is the archetype of the worst father who beats or disinherits his child if they do not comply with the family way of excellence. It is social coercion at its most nihilistic. Fit the mold – or die in humiliation!

I’d be bleeding all over the stage if I presented my innovative business model on Dragon’s Den. My heart would be pounding to the clock ticking ninety seconds. BEEEEEEP! Times up – you’re fired! Oh – wrong show. My business is about holistic living. Body, mind and spirit and these dudes are so out of harmony with the natural and pleasurable aspects of life that they probably wouldn’t get my concept if I drew a thirty second Venn diagram. Its helpful to be able to sum up your business in a few phrases, but Life as reflected in our business is more than a few sound bites. And here’s why:

Our real business is not what we do for a living. It’s not what we exchange for money. Our real business is our own life – in all its complexity, troubles and pleasures. Our family, our work, our engagement with the world we live in is the playing field where we discover who we are. Our talents, our strengths, our weaknesses, our desires and our dreams and most of all our contribution to the evolution of this world. We are not here just to put in time as people – a general population – but as contributing energy to the direction the world will take – ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

When we focus too much on success for success’s sake we rush to results before we look to effects. When I was in the construction industry, it became evident through the nature of building how the culture of a region or country viewed their responsibility or accountability to the future. Our business was architectural entranceways. The banks of doors – including revolving or security doors for banks, hotels and condominiums. They were grand – you never get a second chance to make a first impression – in polished bronze or mirror stainless steel. Here’s a thumbnail of different perspectives- in very general terms:

The west coast – Canada and US had a ‘disposable’ perspective. They would not invest in a high quality because the architectural landscape – trends – changed so often that buildings would go up with a lifespan in mind. The emphasis was on glamour, flash and price. Some of these buildings are notorious – high profile with paper thin walls. Big hype for quick sales – high class, low fees – only to find in the fullness of time that the shortcuts taken in construction are in short order catching up with owners in gargantuan fee increases.

New York, Chicago, Toronto, London, cities of banks and investors chose elegant and stately designs and considered the front entrance as a cost percentage of the overall value of the property. The architect has a greater influence on quality products and consistency of durability than on the coasts where design built is more initial profit oriented.

Interestingly, in Asia companies we dealt with spoke in terms of generations (that’s about people). One company was over five hundred years old! The responsibility to the future was a guiding principle. Every aspect of a building was efficient, beautiful and resilient – constructed to last and be a tribute to those who created it.

When we create our own life – what are we placing in value? What is our unique contribution? What is our legacy. How are we accountable and how do we leave the world a better place?

My sons are musicians – that is what they are. So many ‘advise’ them and me that you really can’t make it in the music business – it’s a long shot to be a star. Maybe, some suggest, they should go on Canadian Idol. Now this is for sure – you can’t make it in the music business if you don’t make music your business. Since the disappearance of Ms A, the band has discovered that they really don’t need her. They have developed a business plan, designed the logo, nearly done the MySpace page – written an album worth of original music, are mastering a demo tape, created a ‘merch’ list – the T shirts are already in and selling like mad. In fact my youngest can claim – been there, done that – got the tat! The thing is the world of music – and everything else has become so sophisticated that an artist is expected to have the complete package that in the past a record label would provide.

In my mind, this change is for the better. My sons have strengthened in experience and competence in ways that a ‘real’ education couldn’t begin to offer. Secondly, they have by necessity and disappointment become knowledgeable and savvy developing traits that will stand them in strength in a business that is notorious for manipulation and exploitation. They have learned the value of creativity – in their case, music – to heal from loss and grief. They have, as brothers, come to ways of collaborating to use the best of each one’s talents – musically and business wise. They work with the two other musician members with a maturity, discipline and diplomacy that would do well in the largest corporation

So, as a mother, I am incredibly proud of their work, their accomplishments and the fact that they haven’t ‘made it’ yet is almost inconsequential to the point of who they have become and the stability they have gained that will help them ride the crazy world of excesses everyone loves to hate in that world!

As to me – my lack of ‘success’ as reflected in my present bank account and credit rating – doesn’t begin to disclose my own path of fine tuning, learning, growing, resiliency, and courage. Yes, I can say that about myself – even though I was taught not to take too much credit for myself. These past five years included the illness and death of my husband, the embezzlement and fraud by my web design company, the erosion of all my capital, and realization that the world was not quite ready for what I offered.

My belief in the LightBeam vision kept me sane through the devastating grief of losing my husband and business partner and the dad of our two, still young, boys who adored him. In desperation I began to take courses on websites and internet marketing – just so I couldn’t be duped by my nefarious web designers. What started out as the fury and fear of walking away from tens of thousands of dollars in web design that never worked turned into my own competence and understanding of open source software platforms; out sourcing; internet marketing and the nature of the internet in general. Collaboration in the highest terms – by strangers for strangers! For free! Awesome!

Dreams are the vision of all that is possible. Without dreams there are no realities. Dreams hold us steady while all that is in the chaos of creation sorts itself. Like an epic voyage my adventure in fulfilling my vision has led me on a circuitous route to the centre of my own being. Opportunities are unfolding that I dreamed of years ago that are now coming forth because all the elements for real success had to evolve until the timing was right. And that time is now.

Eighteen hour days? Oh yeahhh. But when you are doing what you love they are not eighteen hour days of slugging or slavery when you work for someone else’s dream. They are inspired and inspiring days that often run into nights. Dreams can wake you up to most amazing solutions to a nagging problem. Often a solution that defies logic – and often a solution that you could never get from someone else’s opinion.

Spend you time not your money. I had to nearly exhaust my capital before I figured out that self proclaimed experts were rarely that. Especially in the internet world which changes in every heart beat. Being a trusting nature and deferring to an authority leads an entrepreneur on the downhill spiral of “an innocent and his money are soon parted!” Take the time to learn what your business connects to and relies on so that you can spot a scammer!

How do I measure success? I am happy, confident in my own abilities and have something to make the world a brighter place. I have gained knowledge and wisdom. When will I be rich? I am enriched in self-love and self-respect – can I ever be poor? Even if it’s not okay (by whatever standards I might set) it will be okay – it will be more of my own beautiful life unfolding! When do you give up on yourself? Never!

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